Defining New Habits of Being

Traditionally January has been a month for new beginnings. New beginnings can be exciting. New beginnings can also be intimidating. "New" inherently means "different" and "different" inherently means "change" and fear of change is one of the most common fears that people face.

For those with a phobia-grade fear of change there is therapy, but for those fears of change that are less debilitating we can start by looking at our habits of being versus our desired state of being. You'll notice I didn't just say 'habits' as in 'behaviors'. I have James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits to thank for that.

He starts his method for changing habits by reminding us to focus on who we want to become rather before deciding what behaviors we need to change. For example, if you are feeling frequently mis-understood, you might say to yourself, "I want to become more understood." That's a clearly defined goal about the person you want to become. With that change in outcome clearly defined, you can then design the change in your day-to-day processes to improve the way people might understand you. You might want to become more generous, more thoughtful, or more fit. Regardless, the change begins by defining a desired new identity from which the directive for behavior change will come.

The same goes for a businesses and brands. Rather than rushing in to determine how to change the way your brand or business behaves, first spend a moment deciding what you want your brand or business to become. If you want your business to become the "honest choice", then behaviors like transparent billing will become priorities. If you want to become more profitable, then behaviors like comparing top and bottom line more regularly will become priorities. If you want to become a more accountable business person then systems that will help you to become more accountable and their daily use will become priorities. Change the desired outcome first, and your behaviors will have a new lighthouse for reference.

Whether it's James Clear or some other great advisor on habits and achievements, every last advisor or coach will start by asking you to write down your goal in a place where you can see it every day. Start there . . . but only if the person you want to become involves changing who you are today.

It's Lost Change

I lost the period on this title for a second and chuckled. Lost punctuation in this case was at first unintentional and then it became the point. No pun intended.

"It's lost change" sounds dismissive like "It's spilled milk" with the expectation that we should move on without much concern. Alternatively, "It's lost. Change." sounds like an exasperated and painfully truncated directive to move on from a hopeless situation. It's what we try to tell ourselves when we leave something sentimental behind, like a slightly damaged Ukulele in the back of a taxi in Puerto Rico.

Have you ever left something like that behind? Taxis and airports are a good place to do this. Taxis in the NYC have many kind stories about objects being reunited with their owners, but in an airport in a city far from home? It's gone. Maybe it was a favorite belt at security, or a jacket, or a sketchbook, or your phone charging three seats down, but now it's just 'gone'. Life changed in an instant even if in a tiny way. We also know that there's a lost and found somewhere, but we never seem to get back to that same airport in time. A TSA statement online suggests that they make every effort to reunite us with lost objects but then after 30 days they're gone

An NBC news article written a few years ago noted that one airport alone logged 16,000 misplaced objects. That's a lot of loss but also a lot of opportunity for someone else to enjoy your lost object. A TSA statement online suggests that they make every effort to reunite us with lost objects and after 30 days they sell, donate or destroy it. To you it becomes that thing you left behind, and to the next person--even if only in our imagination--it becomes the thing they found, bought or were given. In both cases lives changed slightly.

For the loser it's managing the change of living without something. For the finder it's the joy of discovery. So long slightly-cracked Ukulele, I hope that you find love in your new Puerto Rican home. Maybe the cab driver will leave it there in the back seat for his passengers to play . . .

The One Thing in 2020

Can you imagine defining your year ahead in 100 words? Written differently: By Monday next week, in exactly 100 words, articulate the one thing that will make most things in 2020 more enjoyable or unnecessary for you and others. That was an example of my one thing; articulate expectations more clearly and similarly inspire others. While it feels good to meet expectations, it’s also painful to come up short. Therein lies the challenge. Setting and articulating reasonable expectations requires more focus on empathy and dialogue to understand our respective thresholds for pain. From that understanding, we can set expectations together. (Words: 100)